The first I heard about Trump Mobile was a MSNBC guy snarking on Bluesky about its coverage map not misnaming the Gulf of Mexico:

"Gulf of Mexico"

— Ryan Teague Beckwith (@ryanbeckwith.bsky.social) 2025-06-16T16:33:06.843Z

And the idea was so immediately laughable that I just had to know more, so I guess viral marketing works…

Trump Mobile is, as the name implies, a mobile phone service by the Trump Organization that promises “wireless service that’s affordable, reflects their values, and delivers reliable quality they can count on. We’re especially proud to offer free long-distance calling to our military members and their families….”

I’m still laughing, and I hope they mean international calling.

The Trump Mobile plan is priced at $47.45 a month, because not even the smallest opportunity to stroke Trump’s ego can go untaken, and it offers voice and 20 GB of data (plus, maybe, international calling). For comparison, the prepaid plan I’m currently using – from a company I was slamming a couple of weeks ago – offers voice and unlimited data for $50 (after the loyalty and autopay discounts). It’s priced reasonably enough that I pay the extra $5 ransom for mobile hotspot access, just so I don’t have to fumble around with activating it on the rare occasions I want it.

So $47.45 isn’t that enticing, Nor is the phone’s picture, which looks like a non-proofed AI render of an iPhone with a gold-colored flag-patterned case and gold-colored flag-patterened default wallpaper:

(Brian Barrett at Wired points out some AI-slop tells in that pic, like the side buttons being visible from the front but not the back…)

The phone is listed for $499 with a $100 down payment, because the Trump Org can’t be bothered to make its lies plausible. If it’s even delivered – and if you put $100 down to test this, you’re a damned fool – it’ll be a $200 phone at best. And it won’t be “made in America,” not at that price; the Liberty Phone starts at about $2,000.

(The “Freedom Phone” was $500, but it was a $200 Chinese phone with a new name… and based on its advertised specs, the “Trump” T1 may be a REVVL 7 Pro 5G, which goes for $169 unlocked. If so, that means the Trump Org can’t even be bothered to come up with new scams; they’re reusing old and busted ones.)

Speaking of the Liberty Phone, though: since Trump Mobile is basically rebranding Liberty Mobile’s virtual network, let’s look at Liberty Mobile for clues as to how well at best Trump Mobile will serve its customers –

Oh.

1.0.

1.9.

1.7 with the only 5-star review just saying “Amazing and easy!”

1.6 with a summary that includes “100% of users think that Liberty Wireless should improve its Customer Service” and “Most users ask Liberty Wireless for the refund as a solution to their issues.”

I’m sensing a lack of “reliable quality” here.

 

So this looks like it’s going to be a total flop, right? It’s a pathetically transparent lie of a product backed by terrible service and a guy who couldn’t manage to sell steaks. A year from now, Trump Mobile will be vapor and any T1s sold will be gold-colored plastic paperweights, right?

Well, maybe. There are two points in favor of Trump Mobile staying in business: Donald Trump is president, and he is epically corrupt.

You see, there’s this thing called the Lifeline program, in which the federal government subsidizes poor people’s phone service. At present, applicants who wanted mobile phone service would most likely go through a phone company subsidiary that specializes in Lifeline service, like Safelink or Assurance Wireless… but if someone in the White House decided that the only eligible Lifeline provider was Trump Mobile, then a few extra billion dollars a year would flow from the federal treasury to the Trump Org, and everyone who matters to Trump would win…

I think I’m done laughing for now.