Confidential to M.A.: I don’t doubt that your home state’s lottery commission mandates a customer-facing ad screen n its lottery machines. It also sounds plausible that they’d prohibit customers from scratching the “Scratch to Cash” squares on their own tickets. It’s even possible that they require stores to be able to cash up to $500 worth of winning scratch tickets at once.

This isn’t your home state, we aren’t subject to your home state’s lottery commisison, and at no time of day or night do we have $500 in the drawer. It was a stretch to cash as many of your tickets as I did.

I hope that cleared up your confusion, and I won’t even pester you about how you managed to buy that many winning tickets in Maine without noticing any of this.

Now it’s your turn. Would you like to tell me why a cop came in asking about you and requesting access to the security cameras?

I didn’t call them. Did you? Did you think the police would order me to cash the rest of your scratch tickets? Did you think they’d threaten me with arrest for breaking some random other state’s lottery sales regulations? Are you, in short, a stupid toolbag?

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