For National Boss’s Day, I recall my previous jobs


I was fired from my first job for forgetting to clock out a couple of times.

On my second job, because I was still young and stupid, my supervisor was able to browbeat me into working off the clock. When I told a coworker I was tired of that, the coworker ratted me out to the supervisor, who fired me.

My third job lasted about a day and a half; they hired twice as many salespeople as they had openings and kept the higher earners.

My fourth and fifth jobs had one interpersonal problem each but no major issues; I quit them because working two part-time jobs was becoming a grind.

On my sixth job, my manager was incompetent but bought his employees’ patience with generous pay raises. Then he left, and his successor brought with him a round of pay cuts (I went down by $2 an hour), the announcement that he’d happily replace all of us with new and less-aware victims, and continued incompetence. Oh, and that was the first job where I was euchred out of health insurance access (they “temporarily” categorized me as a part-time worker despite working a full-time schedule every week).

My seventh job cut my schedule back to can’t-pay-the-rent level twice, once because I objected to managerial incompetence and once because a coworker falsely accused me of stealing a dollar ($1).

My eighth job came with full-time hours and benefits, including paid vacation after a year; I was fired for requesting that vacation.

My ninth job was terrible. My boss was an uncommunicative, verbally abusive, sneering, gaslighting asshole, and the business was small enough that his anti-communication sabotaged everything. He was eventually run out of town (a combination of unpaid bills and sexual harassment accusations), and his replacement was pleasant enough until he learned the business, at which point he nudged the veteran employees out to make room for his friends. (I wasn’t fired; this was another job that cut my schedule back to can’t-pay-the-bills level.)

I lasted through the day-long, intensely creepy orientation at my tenth job before they fired me for having an expired ID; they then tried to steal most of that day’s pay with an unexplained payroll deduction.

My eleventh job hasn’t ended yet.

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