Long-time readers (ha) might have caught occasional mention of my news-reading habits, in which I limit my rage-bait media consumption. The way I do it currently, I’ll catch a few semi-random bits of breaking news the day after, and the rest of my news feed will be well behind.

…which is why I felt moved today to opine on something Reason’s Robby Soave sharted out almost three months ago.

You Should Press the Red Button, Never the Blue Button

It’s Soave reacting to a Xhitter poll:

Everyone on earth takes a private vote by pressing a red or blue button. If more than 50% of people press the blue button, everyone survives. If less than 50% of people press the blue button, only people who pressed the red button survive. Which button would you press? BE HONEST.

— MrBeast (@MrBeast) April 28, 2026

Soave starts out trying to present his take as a bit of rules lawyering: if everyone pushed the red button, there’d be no blue-button pushers and therefore no one would die. Win!

First of all, the idea of everyone pressing the same button, either button, is a fantasy.

I assume, because another Reason writer has referenced it, that Soave has heard of the Lizardman’s Constant: some poll respondents (reportedly 4%) will give random or nonsensical answers to any question, for a mix of reasons. So if Soave is right about red being the rational choice, then some people would press the blue button anyway, and Soave is OK with murdering them.

Which feeds into the other objection:

• If you push the red button, you’re making the mass murder of between 4 and 49 percent of humanity more likely… but you’re saving your own ass.
• If you push the blue button, you’re making that mass murder less likely… and you’ve put your own life at risk, instead of other people’s lives.

Which of those sounds more (to use a word Reason’s target audience would accept) manly?

 

But Soave isn’t here to promote manly virtues at the moment; he’s here to promote self-centeredness to the point of mass murder.

Red-button pushers are guaranteeing their own safety, at zero cost to anyone else, providing other people also made the rational choice. [emphasis added]

Translation: if everyone’s an immoral poltroon, then it’s almost like no one is. Or so he thinks.

Enlightened self-interest exists, as does the more ordinary “an it harm none, do what ye will” kind of self-interest. This ain’t it, though, no matter how many times Soave misuses the word “rational” and tries to reword the hypothetical so that people don’t notice they’re voting on whether or not to murder millions or billions of people.

 

The even better answer to this poll’s hypothetical, of course, would be to tell whoever’s setting up pairs of buttons to go kick rocks.